Re: I am a write . . .

Wow, can I just say: Wow. I am sorry. That first post, so many years ago, was awful. I'm pretty sure I was on a sugar high when I wrote it. Honestly, that whole year is a little foggy. But still there is no proper apology for a post written that badly.
Which brings me to another point: I apologize in advance, because I am horrible in that regard. Grammar rules and spelling have never been my forte. I struggle with it daily, and there will undoubtably be future slip ups. And for that I give you my humblest and most heartfelt condolences to all the writing enthusiasts and proud grammar-nazis' out there. I will try to take measures to ensure something like that doesn't happen again.

That said, let me restate what I think past me was trying to say:

I am a writer. A flawed one, which is painfully evident. But if you haven't met me: I am awesome. Take the word of the people who do, I get told it almost daily. I am not usually the smartest person in a crowded room, but I do occasionally have moments under the sun. I've been known to be profound and insightful, even inspirational occasionally. But that is not my natural state. On average I'm just the class clown. A goof. I don't know what it was that inspired me to become a writer, or what compels me to write year after year despite not being great at it, but I've gotten quite good for someone of my caliber. Because of that, I often surprise myself. Scenes I've created will suddenly click, character's I've molded will suddenly pop, and worlds I've inspired will suddenly turn on me and refuse I exist. Just kidding. Just a bit of an atheist joke.
But really, when I'm writing, usually the longer I spend working on a particular idea, the more forced it feels. While on other other hand, characters will sometimes spring from my stories wholly unplanned and steal the show. Characters with intriguing motivations, deep emotions and convicting plots. And somehow I will end having learned from my characters. Which is awesome, after all isn't that why I write? Isn't that why all people crave a good story? We ache for meaning from the depths of our soul, but as a writer, sometimes I get fixed on the idea that I'm the one molding. And I wake up and find a story which I wrote which fundamentally challenges me and my preconceptions. Funny that.
I mean, all characters have to be inherently flawed. It is necessary to move the plot forward. The character drives for meaning or resolution while struggling with his own weakness. And that story compels us because we too struggle like that. A compelling character reflects the reader. Even if its the villain, maybe even especially if its the villain. Art reflects life. As it should. And vice versa, because stories tell us how to live, and why. It helps us make sense of our confused own psyche. But often times I forget, its as much a therapy for me as it is a pulpit. I don't mean to say that I write so that I can preach, although that is in a way true. I try to write what I've found is true. About life, and relationships, and about the self. And I never claim to have all the answers, but it is these moments which remind me, the answers are rarely as difficult as I think they are. I find truth in front of when I write because often times, I ignore it because its hard or too close to see.
THAT - is what I think I meant for this blog when I started it. To help myself see and record the simple truths, those small often neglected nuggets, so I can't keep ignoring them forever. And if a few people enjoy reading the idiotic hijinks along the way, all the better.

Journal:
A timid heart is a prison in itself. While A man in chains may find ways to push the limits of his boundaries and free his soul, a free man may be more bound by the confinement of his own fear than any chain.