A shadow on the mind . . .

As a writer I spend a good amount of time thinking observing, thinking about, and paraphrasing human behavior.  But certain traits seem to come up more often than others. The things which drive us, like love, fear, ambition, or grace come up often in cultural references. Fear and love are by far the most common. Something about the depth of these reactions in us tend to bring out in us potential that we normally don't utilize. Its as if they are still wired deep down into that primal side of us that touches on the live or die scale. Fear can be a great thing at times. Love can be a curse. It all depends on the object in question. Our ideas of these emotions can be so clinical at times; after all science says they're just chemicals in the brain. 

Except life is rarely as clean as science would have us believe. Many times, fear in my life is more than a simple knee jerk reflex. I think that's how most people see it. This is easily justifiable, though I believe fear is not merely the impulse to run away from confrontation than love is the urge to kiss someone you love.
Ask someone, what is love, and they will not describe the psych-text book definition. It will be personal, nostalgic, even emotional in and of itself. These emotions are hard to categorize, because its not just a state of mine or merely a release of prescribed chemicals into the body and brain. It is a living thing. Creatures with a health and desire and a hunger all their own. Anyone in a successful relationship will agree love takes nurturing, attention, dedication, and its fruit can enrich your life and empower you beyond yourself. Fear is the same. Though being unwanted makes it more akin to a cancer; feeding off our lives, our doubts and our hopes. 

Few people could tell you when exactly when fear spawned in their life. Few, if any, remember back that far. At best guess it was a very early age,  if not programmed since the absolute beginning. Simple at first, but growing with every life experience, every pain. It takes every worry and compounds it; it whispers to avoid, to refrain, to distance. Lurking in the back of everyone's mind, feeding, growing, strangling.

Yes, fear is a living thing. In all reality, it's actually a part of you. At any given point, I believe that anyone of any age, creed, or culture, can look inside of themselves and find that bit of greedy hesitation living inside of them. Fear is simple really; the base part of you which, rationally or irrationally grips your heart at times of decision. Whether it's picking an outfit for school/work, diving into the swimming pool, riding your bike down a steep incline, or trying to talk to that one redhead. It screams at you, demanding your attention, insisting that all the worse things that could happen, will happen. 

From a scientific perspective, fear is the combination of knowing your limits and impulse for self preservation, but horribly twisted beyond usefulness. It uses the power of the imagination to torture you with nearly impossible situations. And never just one; countless versions, often pushing the limits of reason.

In a spiritual sense I believe fear is more than chemicals, I believe it is an act of war. On humanity, and through them, on Christ. I believe in spirits; in angels and demons, and maybe others. I believe there are things out there that we can't understand or accept if we did see them. And I believe the Bible when it says a large number of them are our enemies. Whispering in our ears. Preying on our insecurities. Sound like something else?

Ever instance of fear I can think of in my life, it holds me back. It has never helped me once. And there are many, many instances to choose from. Because I am a coward and a large portion of my early life was characterized by fear. I still can't swim well because I feared drowning. I have problems making friends and approaching women because I fear rejection. I didn't ride a roller-coaster until I was sixteen because I feared going fast. I stay away from high places because . . . heights. Bugs. Muscle fatigue. Cold weather. Lint. The list goes on and on; you name a source, I'm probably afraid of it. And I know that everyone has similar feelings to one degree or another.

But it can't end there. We can't let it.

So the last few years I have been waging an active war on fear. Where I find it, I chase it, and I fight it. Sometimes I win and sometimes, for weeks at a time, fear wins. It has been a rewarding few years, but terrifying. And liberating. 

Throughout the Bible, we are reminded fear has no place at our table. We are reminded again and again to expel fear, to have courage, and to be bold.

Why? Because fear is the enemy of action. Fear almost always strikes at moments of decision. To those that listen to it, it cripples their ability to think or react rationally; it either keeps us from solving our own problems or from challenging our minds and bodies. Fear eats away at potential, at hope, at joy. It can take a moment of spectacular beauty and inspiration and poison it. It can take a moment to glory god and turn that moment into the enemy's win through our weakness. 

A healthy life is not devoid of fear, but rather challenges it. Never accepts things the way the are but goes the extra mile, because life is so much more enjoyable that way. So I ask you to join me. Fight back: Help me, help you, help me, by helping yourself. Kick fear in the balls and do something you're afraid to. Just be safe.

Edit: I originally wrote this post and several others a few weeks ago. But as I was about to post them, they struck a sour note. These posts were all about fear, depression and anxiety. But every time I wanted to publish I always plucked out phrases or sentences that weren't true or I wasn't wholly sure about. So for these few mosts, they aren't so much manuals for operation or any real wisdom, but some of my thoughts; dark and hopeful, more artistic than scientific; more spiritual reflection than cold hard truths. There is much and more to be said on these subjects, both by myself and from true professionals but for the sake of brevity, I kept it short. I hope you find some truth here. Amen.

Journal: 

If you give a man a cause, you must also give him a sword. Because neither has any place, without the other. Alone, they both become dangerous and hollow.